“Can ex-lovers still be friends?” A lot of people may have asked the question once in a while. Some might say yes and throw you the famous, “Time can heal all wounds”, others claim that it’s the craziest thing to do when it comes to love. Admittedly, there’s no accurate or even “right” response to it.
But one thing is certain – there are lots of reasons why one can’t and shouldn’t be friends with an ex. Would you still be in touch with the person who gave you so much pain or would you just leave that person in the past? However you may view it, here are some of the reasons why you can’t be friends with your ex anymore:
It’s inevitable to feel a sense of awkwardness with your ex. The longer the span of your relationship, the greater the chance of having an oh-so-awkward moment. This uneasy feeling will always be present between the two of you because you both valued each other dearly. Getting over the awkward stage doesn’t happen overnight, sometimes a former doesn’t get over it at all.
Not being treated the same way as before and vice versa, might make you feel more awkward. You cannot act comfortably around your ex because you don’t know how to treat them in a non-platonic way – especially if you’ve been together for years! To escape this Awkward101 moments, you should take some time off from your circle of friends or avoid spending time together with your ex. If you feel awkward talking to your ex, then don’t. You don’t have to make adjustments now that you have broken up, consider the situation where you will be most at peace.
Never-ending trust issues
If an ex broke your trust, chances are you’ve gained trust issues and have subconsciously been greedy to give it away since. It’s a valuable trait one has that takes someone important or someone who was once very important to break. It will take months, even years, to gain that trust back – losing it for good is the worst-case scenario for your ex.
Being friends with an ex will just remind you why you stopped trusting other people. Your ex might trigger your old wound and will make you suspicious of everyone’s intention, and you shouldn’t feel that. You have broken your ties with an ex-lover for a reason – and that’s because you don’t want to overthink and self-pity ALL the time. You cannot work on yourself and your trust issues if you stay friends with the person who took it in the first place.
The blame game
It’s inescapable to experience a blame game with your ex. This might get worse when you two try to be friends. There will be times you guys would reminisce some moments together which after a bit of a chat, suddenly turns into a fight. This will make you feel bad and eventually result to blaming yourself of the break up.
Being civil with each other, especially when the break up is still fresh, is not a good idea. You don’t want to be reminded of your mistakes and imperfections and vice versa. Pointing fingers to each other will just put your ‘friendship’ level on the ground – be careful, this may just lead to hatred and anger. The bitterness of the break up will dominate your conversation leading you to say hurtful things to one another. To avoid this, keep yourself at a distance with your ex. Forget chatting or simple talks – this can escalate quickly!
Barkada’s apple of the eye
When you hang out with your friends together with your ex, you immediately become the “apple of the eye.” Of course, they’re your friends. Instead of supporting you in moving on process or getting mad for being in contact with your ex, they manage to tease you two repeatedly. All you can do is fake smile and laugh – pretending that you are having a good time – when all you want to do is punch them where it will hurt.
Especially when you and your ex are in the same ‘tropa’, expect them to provoke you EVERYTIME. Coincidences or old habits will be obvious for them, so as much as possible, stop yourself from doing it. Don’t be a ‘pikon’ because they will just tease you further until you can’t handle it anymore. Even if you are not talking to your ex anymore, this will happen from time to time but just laugh it off and change the topic immediately to escape.
The “you should get back together” moments
The most inevitable (and annoying) thing that could probably happen is this. Aside from being teased, people would tell you two to get back together. The reasons as to why you two decided to break it off can, at times, seem blurry and this will allow you to ponder on whether you should give the past relationship another try. Unfortunately, more often than not, it’s a bad decision to.
Never, never, never, get back together with your ex. I know other couples work it out perfectly the second time around but you shouldn’t take that risk if there’s no valid reason to. Being fragile and missing your ex are the common reasons why you’d rather go back than move on but this could only cause bigger damage for the both of you. Going back to what broke you makes no sense because even if you would feel the same as before, the impact of the break-up is still there. Problems – old or new – will arise. Do you think both of you could handle them when you chose not to when you were still together?
The moving on process is affected
In this roller coaster ride of being friends with an ex, your moving on process could be affected BIG TIME. It messes with your mind and confuses you on whether you still have feelings or you’re ready to really move on. Most often than not it will lead you to get back together with them.
It’s not that getting back together with your ex is bad – but it will have great dangers. The pain you have caused to each other may be one way of ruining yourselves further if you’ll stay in touch with each other. You have broken up because there has been changes, and your ex cannot change them back, and neither can you. So, keep yourself in check from time to time to avoid making rash decisions.
Issues with the new love line
Being exes, it’s inevitable to meet the new significant other and that’s where the conflict starts. Your friendship would be the very reason why the new partner becomes jealous or protective. You’ll always be the subject of their arguments. It’s pretty much asking for trouble.
You don’t want your new SO to get the wrong idea if you stay friends with your ex. He/she can’t help but get suspicious, it’s not that they don’t trust you, but it’s your ex they don’t trust. It’s hard to have a happy relationship with your present if you still have strings attached to your past. You may be friends with your ex, but it will take some time. So before you lose another person, lose the one who didn’t fight for you.
“Still” into you
Maybe after all this time, you still have feelings for your ex which is why you agree to be friends. You’d be supportive of your ex and all but, at the end of the day, you realize you’re actually hurting yourself. Do yourself a favor, and think thrice before entering a friendship with your ex.
Stop fooling yourself around because it will just make things hard for you. You can’t keep on doing the ‘usual’ thing you do for your ex because it will just make you feel pathetic once you realized that he/she cannot reciprocate it anymore. Maybe your ex have moved on faster than you or you are still ‘hang’ to what has happened but don’t sugarcoat it by being friends. You deserve better than that. Instead of showering your ex with the same ‘love’, why not give it to yourself? Remember, self-love is the best love.
Loneliness over happiness
All those feelings you have will be surging back if you keep in touch with your ex. Instead of being happy and going on with life, you’ll be left in a slump. It hinders you from moving on and achieving complete happiness. Thinking that you might still have a chance to fix your relationship will just break your heart even more.
Remind yourself why you broke up in the first place – you feel more hurt and sad than happy. Don’t you want to leave all those feelings behind, together with your ex? You don’t have to feel weak and lost again, just because your ex is around. Your ex should just be a finished chapter on your book. You shouldn’t reread it or scan through it because it will just bring back those awful memories. Instead, move on to a blank page, and start anew.
Regrets and What Ifs
If you still wish to be friends with your ex, make sure you don’t have regrets or unanswered questions after you broke up because you’ll be filled with that later on, most especially when that person already has a new love life. Again, move on with your present and allow the past to be just a reminder of what had happened.
You don’t want to be the reason for another person’s heartbreak right? Respect your ex and his/her new partner, if they already have. If none, it is still not logical to drown yourself with regrets and what-ifs. Let all those questions go and start embracing the reality that you are better off without your ex. If you decide to keep in touch with your ex, stay civil with each other and don’t rekindle old fire. Make sure you don’t get your hopes up because you might end up hurting yourself again and again.